‎"The ugly fruit smells like shit, no matter how you slice it." -- Deepak, Jr.

 

My god!  Have you ever sliced one those nasty things open?  If you want to try it, go to Chernobyl or Fukushima!  Only the genetic mutants who live there could stand the smell, much less eat the shit.  Thinking I had just purchased a delicate Asian fruit that might make my dick hard, I rushed home and sliced into the spiky, football-shaped, lump.  At first, I thought I had just farted.  Then, I thought someone in the room had filled their pants (I was the only one in the room).  Then, I thought the sewer line had broken and the house was soon going to be buried in three feet of effluence.  Then, I thought I’d cracked into the ancient Roman “Cloacae Maxima.”  I had to pick the damned thing up and toss it out the back door before I fainted.  This was no joke!  I was convinced, at that point, that the Southeast Asian farmers had finally figured out how to get back at us for years of napalming their plantations.  DO NOT -- repeat -- DO NOT purchase one of these evil things!  It took me about a week of boiling a pot of ammonia and lutefisk (look it up) to get rid of the smell.