Moses Got Nothin'

‎"When the wind blows, the water will part." -- Deepak, Jr.

 

This is why I can run so fast.  I can run through a rain storm and never get hit by a drop of water.  It’s because I generate this vortex in front of my body.  The physics are hard to explain, but I figure this is what happened when Moses hit the Red Sea.  How else could you explain such an idiotic fairy tale?  I practiced this phenomenon when I was very young.  It was difficult to impress people with the feat, however, because where I grew up we didn’t have much water to part.  I have found, however, that the older I get, the more water parts whenever I approach.  It’s a respect thing, I think.